Holiday Tea: The tulips are fabulous.

My mother in law Donna's Church holds a Holiday tea every year. It's quite a production, hostess volunteer to decorate individual tables, and there is some friendly competition to see who has the best one. All the tables have themes, and people really go all out, china and guest gifts and so on.  Lots and lots of fancy.

So, since everything is so fancy, I felt like I should dress for the occasion. I'm not a member of the church but my mother in Law is; and this is the only time of year that I see these people so I feel like I should make a reasonable, not embarrassing impression for Donna's sake. So I dress, I flat iron the crap out of my hair, do the make up, a fitted top and skirt, and in some fit of masochism don the highest heels I own.

Now these might not look like much to you, but imagine that you're the type of girl that wore chucks with your wedding dress, is barefoot most of the summer, and also is a complete and utter klutz. Just standing up in these things for me is akin to walking a very painful high wire over a pit of broken glass and social embarrassment. I've only worn them about three times since purchase, so I'm not exactly practiced. But, they do give me a considerable height advantage over the husband, and generally make me feel like a librarian that does pinup on the side. 

So walking in these things is a bit like walking on stilts. It requires lots of concentration and resolutely refusing to look at your feet while you walk. So, I'm wobbling gracelessly out in the reception area, looking for a few friends that were running late. There are about three hundred fancy ladies sitting at the tables in the main room, but out there a few people were milling around the christmasy decorations, but I'm not really looking, since not falling down requires me staring at a point in the middle distance and willing my ankles to steel. Suddenly and tiny older woman appears at my elbow, she leans in conspiratorially and asks; 

"Has anyone ever grabbed those to see if their real?"

There are no words nuanced enough. I made, what I'm sure was the weirdest face she'd ever seen, and clapped my hand over my mouth. She smiled the way you imagine Ms. Claus smiling, and said, "The tulips, they sure look real don't they?"

Oh. 

The Tulips. 

These Tulips. 

Apparently she had assumed I was watching her test the 'freshness' of the table setting, and came to explain herself. I've never been so self conscious of my chest in my entire life.

Amy, who lives across the street of course had the best response. "Oh honey, whenever anyone says that to you, you always say, 'Of course they're real, and they are fabulous'."

So the rest of the night went well. The programing was much more personal than it's been in previous years, and much more brief. The food and company were excellent. Next year we hope to have two whole tables, that is to have twenty women attend. 

Thank you girls for coming, and remember ladies; these tulips are real, and they are fabulous.